Thoughts in the Dark...

How do I put into words the way I have been feeling these past several months…My heart is torn in so many ways and I feel so dissatisfied with the status quo. I am torn between the fear of what may come and the desire for more than the present holds. I feel burdened by the sorrows and fears that plague me on a daily basis. I don’t know how to be strong and brave. I feel as weak and helpless as a baby. I want to rest in Your arms and in Your love but my fear is holding me back. I feel like a prisoner held captive by an enemy too strong for any mortal man to vanquish. I know you are strong enough but what if I am not? What if I can’t handle whatever may come. The present troubles are almost too much for me to handle as it is and to even think of those that are waiting around the corner leaves me trembling with anxiety. I want to be strong, I want to be brave and to trust that what You have for me is the best but with that comes acceptance. Acceptance of things that I don’t feel I can accept. My heart is weak and my mind is troubled. I need Your peace and Your security. I need to know that Your love can get me through. That I don’t have to be strong on my own. I have no strength, no matter how hard I try the path keeps getting darker and more tangled with the weeds of fear and doubt. I know the answers, the solutions that I should be grasping for but they keep getting lost in the mire of my mind. I can’t go on without you. I can’t survive this battle for my very being. The enemy is gaining more ground each day it seems and my will to fight becomes weaker and weaker. God, grant me the strength to fight a little more each day. The will to carry on when all seems dark and terrible around me. Show me that You are holding on to me when my fingers are too tired to grasp Yours. I cannot exist without You, without Your strength, Your presence, Your life in me. I am tired of being the lazy, selfish, irresponsible child that I am. I am sick of wallowing in self-pity and lies. I cannot bear to be the person that I see in Your mirror held up to my heart. Too long have I allowed these feelings and thoughts to consume my soul. Too long have I pretended to be strong enough on my own. Too long has my heart poisoned itself with the lies that I am unlovable and worthless. I give myself to You once again in my hour of need with the realization that once again I have let myself come to the point of exhaustion and despair. So many times I have vowed to never be here again and yet I find myself coming back over and over. I know many things but how do I make my heart believe them and take courage from them? I need You more than I have ever needed You before. May this be the last time that I forget to trust You for my existence. Take this lonely broken heart of mine and make it Yours more fully than ever before. May I be so lost in You that I can never find myself to walk away again. Grant me Your peace and love; the strength and comfort I need to face each day as I awake, that I may be a faithful and true servant to you. May I learn to trust You more each day that the things which haunt my waking and my sleeping would no more hold such power over my heart.

First Date by Krista McGee

First Date by Krista McGee is a fun, lighthearted read. I picked up the book looking for something quick and easy to read and found it to be just that. It is based on the book of Esther in the Bible.

The book is placed in a reality tv show setting where a young girl is entered into a contest to become the prom date of the US president's son. It follows her adventures as she learns to listen to God's voice and interacts with her fellow contestants, staff, and of course, the president's son.

I enjoyed the fact that it was not just a modern version of Esther but used some literary freedom in representing the story of Esther in a modern day world. The characters were youthful and lively which made for a fun read. It didn’t have the depth of a novel written for an older audience but that was not detrimental to this novel as it was written for a teen audience. I thought the writing style was a bit simplistic and the plot was somewhat farfetched but overall the message of the book was good and it was an enjoyable read. I would recommend this book to a teenager looking for something fun and uplifting.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

My Newest Venture

So I have decided to start a food blog. I have had quite a few people ask for recipes for things in the past and I decided that it would be a good idea to post all these recipes on my blog. I probably won't be posting that often but I'm hoping at least a couple times a month. You can keep me accountable!! :) I also want to start blogging on this one more often. I'm kinda bad at this!

Well my new blog is coming soon. I have not completely set it up but I am hoping to within the next couple of days. Let me know if there are any things that interest you as far as recipes or the like. I hope to get a lot of feedback on the types of food that people would like to see on the blog.