Better days

So I guess my last post was a bit sad and since I'm feeling better today I thought I would write a new one.

The house is clean, supper is planned and the meat is thawing, Nehemiah is napping, and I'm home alone so I think this is a good time to write a bit. Btw, I don't have a child. I am just borrowing one for a couple days. Or rather babysitting one. He is 2 years old and a great little guy. I made some play dough this afternoon for a fun activity when he wakes up. I enjoy having kids around. We have not been blessed with our own yet so I take advantage of opportunities to enjoy other peoples kids.

Yesterday I was less than encouraged in my job search at first but after I took a couple resumes in and actually got a bit of response I was much more encouraged. It doesn't mean that anything will happen but at least I didn't get refused right off the bat and they seemed to be helpful people. Now to see if it actually results in me getting a job! I am really enjoying being unemployed except for the job hunt part. I love being at home and being able to work on things at home. I've also had some great opportunities to spend time with friends and also be available for babysitting, etc. Plus my projects have gotten some time and my house have never been so organized! It makes me feel productive! I have also enjoyed being around when Nathan is home from school. He has Tuesdays off this semester and its been a great time for us to get stuff done together or just hang out. I will miss being at home when I start work but will enjoy being able to pay the bills! =)

At the moment I am stilling waiting for tests and doctors appointments to figure out whats up. Its been hard to have everything take so long. It would be nice to just be able to go to the doctor and get all the tests done without having to wait 6 months just to get the preliminary stuff done. Who knows what will happen if these tests don't resolve anything! I may be stuck waiting another 6 months! Yikes...this system is crazy!

Anyway, I am off to knead and color my play dough so I better run!

Life...

So...its been awhile. I can't say much has changed since my last post. I seem to be stuck in this rut that doesn't get any better, day after day after day! I still don't know whats up as far as medically, I still don't have a job, and I have no clue what I'm supposed to do next. It seems I've been down every road looking for a job and yet nothing even starts to happen. I'm not sure what lesson God is trying to teach me in all this but its starting to get me down. I am doubting everything about myself at this point. And while I know that God will provide for us, it seems as if He is trying to take us down to the last penny before anything turns up.

Its 2:33 am. I can't sleep and this feels like a depressing post but I am simply trying to understand. Perhaps if I write this all down it may put my life into perspective for me... Am I doing something wrong? Am I not trusting? Am I being too selective or lazy? Am I looking in the wrong places? Everywhere I look I see disappointment. What is my purpose and how do I fulfill it? How do I keep a positive attitude when everything in my life seems to be failing?

Lord, give me the strength to hold on because my grip is failing fast. I've tried everything that I can and now I need You to come through for me. Show me Your direction. Show me Your peace. Show me that all is not lost for me. I am struggling to understand and I need You to step in and take over. Take the wheel from my hands and turn it toward Your will. I'm trusting You to get us through. I leave it in Your hands.