Life...

So...its been awhile. I can't say much has changed since my last post. I seem to be stuck in this rut that doesn't get any better, day after day after day! I still don't know whats up as far as medically, I still don't have a job, and I have no clue what I'm supposed to do next. It seems I've been down every road looking for a job and yet nothing even starts to happen. I'm not sure what lesson God is trying to teach me in all this but its starting to get me down. I am doubting everything about myself at this point. And while I know that God will provide for us, it seems as if He is trying to take us down to the last penny before anything turns up.

Its 2:33 am. I can't sleep and this feels like a depressing post but I am simply trying to understand. Perhaps if I write this all down it may put my life into perspective for me... Am I doing something wrong? Am I not trusting? Am I being too selective or lazy? Am I looking in the wrong places? Everywhere I look I see disappointment. What is my purpose and how do I fulfill it? How do I keep a positive attitude when everything in my life seems to be failing?

Lord, give me the strength to hold on because my grip is failing fast. I've tried everything that I can and now I need You to come through for me. Show me Your direction. Show me Your peace. Show me that all is not lost for me. I am struggling to understand and I need You to step in and take over. Take the wheel from my hands and turn it toward Your will. I'm trusting You to get us through. I leave it in Your hands.