So its been awhile! Life has been extraordinarily busy of late! So here is a quick update on whats up in the Dekker family!

This past spring we have been getting used to a regular work schedule for Nathan. It has been crazy as he has been working sometimes more than 50 hours a week. Good for the bank account but it keeps us very busy! We have been living in Edmonton for almost a year now! Its hard to believe that the time has gone by so fast! This summer we have a few major things taking place which will make things busy again but should lead to some quieter days to come.

Last week we attended Nathan's graduation ceremony in Medicine Hat. It was a lot of fun. It was great to see him finally walking across that stage and fulfilling his lifelong dream of becoming an RN!

This past week we moved. It was a bit of a sudden move that we can only attribute to God! We weren't necessarily planning to move but the perfect place came up and God worked out all the details to make it possible for us to move in right away. Which meant that instead of my typical super-organized-packing-for-days type of move, we had a three week notice, no time to pack move! This week has been very crazy but so far I am almost organized again. I have a bit of stuff left at the old place with our new roomie! :) As well as a few boxes left to unpack at a later date. Our new place is great! It is a house...three bedrooms on the main floor and one finished bedroom in the basement. We now have a wonderful backyard where we can set up our new BBQ(a wedding present from 6 years ago that we were unable to use until now!), herb garden, and flowers! I will include pictures at a later date!

We are leaving in a few days to go visit some good friends in the USA whom we have not seen for 5 years. We are very excited! It will be a lot of fun!

Thats a quick update on whats been going on lately.

Thoughts in the Dark...

How do I put into words the way I have been feeling these past several months…My heart is torn in so many ways and I feel so dissatisfied with the status quo. I am torn between the fear of what may come and the desire for more than the present holds. I feel burdened by the sorrows and fears that plague me on a daily basis. I don’t know how to be strong and brave. I feel as weak and helpless as a baby. I want to rest in Your arms and in Your love but my fear is holding me back. I feel like a prisoner held captive by an enemy too strong for any mortal man to vanquish. I know you are strong enough but what if I am not? What if I can’t handle whatever may come. The present troubles are almost too much for me to handle as it is and to even think of those that are waiting around the corner leaves me trembling with anxiety. I want to be strong, I want to be brave and to trust that what You have for me is the best but with that comes acceptance. Acceptance of things that I don’t feel I can accept. My heart is weak and my mind is troubled. I need Your peace and Your security. I need to know that Your love can get me through. That I don’t have to be strong on my own. I have no strength, no matter how hard I try the path keeps getting darker and more tangled with the weeds of fear and doubt. I know the answers, the solutions that I should be grasping for but they keep getting lost in the mire of my mind. I can’t go on without you. I can’t survive this battle for my very being. The enemy is gaining more ground each day it seems and my will to fight becomes weaker and weaker. God, grant me the strength to fight a little more each day. The will to carry on when all seems dark and terrible around me. Show me that You are holding on to me when my fingers are too tired to grasp Yours. I cannot exist without You, without Your strength, Your presence, Your life in me. I am tired of being the lazy, selfish, irresponsible child that I am. I am sick of wallowing in self-pity and lies. I cannot bear to be the person that I see in Your mirror held up to my heart. Too long have I allowed these feelings and thoughts to consume my soul. Too long have I pretended to be strong enough on my own. Too long has my heart poisoned itself with the lies that I am unlovable and worthless. I give myself to You once again in my hour of need with the realization that once again I have let myself come to the point of exhaustion and despair. So many times I have vowed to never be here again and yet I find myself coming back over and over. I know many things but how do I make my heart believe them and take courage from them? I need You more than I have ever needed You before. May this be the last time that I forget to trust You for my existence. Take this lonely broken heart of mine and make it Yours more fully than ever before. May I be so lost in You that I can never find myself to walk away again. Grant me Your peace and love; the strength and comfort I need to face each day as I awake, that I may be a faithful and true servant to you. May I learn to trust You more each day that the things which haunt my waking and my sleeping would no more hold such power over my heart.

First Date by Krista McGee

First Date by Krista McGee is a fun, lighthearted read. I picked up the book looking for something quick and easy to read and found it to be just that. It is based on the book of Esther in the Bible.

The book is placed in a reality tv show setting where a young girl is entered into a contest to become the prom date of the US president's son. It follows her adventures as she learns to listen to God's voice and interacts with her fellow contestants, staff, and of course, the president's son.

I enjoyed the fact that it was not just a modern version of Esther but used some literary freedom in representing the story of Esther in a modern day world. The characters were youthful and lively which made for a fun read. It didn’t have the depth of a novel written for an older audience but that was not detrimental to this novel as it was written for a teen audience. I thought the writing style was a bit simplistic and the plot was somewhat farfetched but overall the message of the book was good and it was an enjoyable read. I would recommend this book to a teenager looking for something fun and uplifting.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

My Newest Venture

So I have decided to start a food blog. I have had quite a few people ask for recipes for things in the past and I decided that it would be a good idea to post all these recipes on my blog. I probably won't be posting that often but I'm hoping at least a couple times a month. You can keep me accountable!! :) I also want to start blogging on this one more often. I'm kinda bad at this!

Well my new blog is coming soon. I have not completely set it up but I am hoping to within the next couple of days. Let me know if there are any things that interest you as far as recipes or the like. I hope to get a lot of feedback on the types of food that people would like to see on the blog.

Love You More by Jennifer Grant

Love You More, by Jennifer Grant is a book about the joys and trials of adopting a daughter. Grant goes through the entire process detailing what they went through in deciding to adopt through to bringing their daughter home. The family had three biological children and then became interested in pursuing adoption.While not an easy procedure, the author confirms repeatedly that the end result was worth every minute of the journey. This family will never be the same again and neither will anyone who reads this book.

I picked up this book because of an interest that I have had for years in adoption. Coming from a family with adopted children, I have always kept adoption in the back of my mind for my own family. This book is an excellent resource for anyone who is considering adoption or just for an inspiring read. Her style is warm and captivating with a refreshingly honest perspective. It is a practical yet truly funny book; easy to read and entertaining. I thoroughly enjoyed this book and found it helpful in its informative nature. I would recommend it to anyone who is interested in adoption or just for the pure pleasure of this storylike narrative of a family's journey to become complete.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

This is Your Brain in Love by Earl Henslin

This book is based on the premise that in order to be the best lover that you can be to your spouse, you need to be your best. In order to accomplish that you need to recognize any problems in your brain that may be hindering your ability to respond to your spouse in an appropriate and loving way. Henslin chose five different types of problems that can be present in the brain and affect the way we respond to each other. He addressed each type specifically by describing the problem, its symptoms, and how it can be treated with drugs and supplements, as well as ways for the affected person and their spouse to cope with the issue. I appreciated the fact that the author encourages couples to work on their problems and gives hope for resolving conflict within a marriage.

I picked up this book not expecting to be very enthralled by it but I was pleasantly surprised. Henslin's writing style is easy to read and informative. This book was one of the easiest to read nonfiction books that I have ever read. I enjoyed the practical nature of this book. It was written in a way that made it practical to a layperson who has little experience with problems of the brain. I learned things about myself and why I respond to my spouse in certain ways. It was a very helpful book and I would recommend it to anyone who wants to make their marriage better.

I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255.

I have a love-hate relationship with my sewing machine!

Ah the joys of the modern age! I can sew at the speed of light compared to hand sewing. That is if my machine will cooperate with me. I have been sewing all evening and not a misstep anywhere! It is truly amazing. Yesterday, however, I sewed for 10 minutes and had to take every seam out and resew just to take it out all over again. I'm not sure where the difference is. It boggles my mind!
I am attempting to sew a large quantity of products for my business in order to build up my inventory. I am planning to begin sales imminently, hopefully on a large scale. I am working on a blog, Etsy store, and a Facebook page to use as advertising and sales tools. I am also hoping to attempt selling at a farmer's market probably in Medicine Hat for the summer and in Edmonton in the fall. I have been able to do quite a bit of work despite the problems with a temperamental sewing machine!
Thus my love-hate relationship with my sewing machine! I couldn't work with out it but some days it won't work with me! Thank God for the times when it does work and I can get lots done!

Thoughts of late...

Jesus I Come by William T. Sleeper

Out of my bondage sorrow and night,
Jesus, I come, Jesus I come.
Into Thy freedom, gladness and light
Jesus, I come to Thee.
Out of my sickness into Thy health,
Out of my want and into Thy wealth,
Out of my sin and into Thy-self
Jesus I come to Thee.

Out of my shameful failure and loss,
Jesus I come, Jesus I come;
Into the glorious gain of Thy cross
Jesus, I come to Thee;
Out of earth's sorrows into Thy balm,
Out of life's storms and into Thy calm,
Out of distress to jubilant psalm,
Jesus, I come to Thee.

Out of unrest and arrogant pride,
Jesus, I come, Jesus I come;
Into Thy blessed will to abide,
Jesus, I come to Thee;
Out of myself to dwell in Thy love
Out of despair into raptures above,
Upward for aye on the wings like a dove,
Jesus, I come to Thee.



I was practicing this song on the piano today and realized that this song speaks to exactly what I need to be doing right now. My life is in a rut and I need to make the decision to crawl out of my self-pity and despair and cling to the freedom that I have in Christ. Unfortunately, it seems to be something that I will have to do everyday. Or more to the point...every time I feel discouraged and stuck in a rut. God help me to remember that when I feel least like doing it! It is time to take charge of my life.

Softly and Tenderly by Sara Evans

Softly and Tenderly by Sara Evans (with Rachel Hauck) is a story about an average woman whose average life is thrown into turmoil with a single piece of information. Jade Benson is the proud owner of two successful shops, happily married to a successful lawyer, and has finally moved beyond her past into a promising future. So she thinks. However, in one fell swoop her life is turned upside down when she learns that her husband has an illegitimate son conceived one week before their wedding. Jade is thrown into an adventure that has her questioning very aspect of her life, past and present, including her relationship with God.

When reading this book I was moved and responded to the character of Jade Benson in many of her struggles. She is a real character with real struggles that are similar to those of many women. She deals with these struggles in a way that is true to life and they come to resolution in a way that leaves the reader satisfied and not skeptical. One of the few complaints that I had about this book was that it refers to events in the previous book too often. As a reader who had not read the first book in the series, it was hard at times to understand what was being referred to because I did not have background information discussed in the first book. However, I still enjoyed the book and it actually made me want to read the first book in order to understand more fully the second. So I suppose that would be a positive affirmation for the author!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

"Living with Confidence in a Chaotic World" by Dr. David Jeremiah

The subtitle of this book quite accurately describes the purpose of the book. “What on Earth Should We Do Now?” This book describes ten principles that should drive our lives in this 21st century. The author describes the chaos of the world around us and directs our attention to ten Biblical principles for living confidently in the world. Dr. David Jeremiah uses key examples from history and current events to illustrate his points which draws the reader into the book as if it were a storybook. It is written in a casual style that allows the reader to feel as if they are speaking with the author in a one-on-one conversation. This book challenged me to live with an eternity focused mindset. The principles mentioned in the book are simple but profound, the type of principles that it takes a few minutes to read and understand, but a lifetime to master. He speaks of staying committed, consistent, and centered on Christ. I was challenged and convicted by the words of Jesus that were echoed throughout this book. I would recommend this book to anyone who is serious about following Christ or interested in what being a Christian is about. A great read that will change your life and give you a new perspective on who you are and what you are doing here on this earth.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Diagnosis

Well, I know have an official diagnosis of sorts. Its complicated but they want to do more testing and stuff. Basically I have diabetes and now get to start the journey of revamping my life to deal with this disease. Its tough some days. Especially when I am craving a sour cream glazed donut or French fries. But I am getting through. I am learning to read labels even more than I already did. I was always a healthy eater but now I need to really cut back on fat and sugar which is a challenge. It means that I can eat hardly any processed foods/fast food/dessert, etc. Not that I ate a lot of any of those things but the occasional Jr bacon cheeseburger from Wendy's is a pretty important part of my diet! =)

I have been doing some more work on my new project and have discovered that its very hard to make brownies taste delicious without using fat. However, I have discovered some sweet muffins that are really good for you with no fat (besides a few almonds). Stay tuned for the recipe. I will also be putting up a new recipe for a pasta sauce containing vegetables, chicken, cheese, and no fat beyond the cheese. Here's a tip for you: when trying to cut back on fat try using a nonstick frying pan to cook and don't add oil or butter to the pan. Most things will cook fine without added fat. If it seems too dry you can add a bit of stock or water to help it cook.

My Newest Project

My new project came to me in a stroke of brilliance today...I was baking cranberry orange muffins and realized that perhaps I can use this frustrating time of uncertainty and sickness to my benefit.

You see, recently I have discovered that I may have diabetes and honestly, I've been quite upset about it. I feel as if my life has taken a strange and frightening turn and I'm not exactly sure what to do about it. I have not been officially diagnosed yet but it seems like that is the right direction to go in. On the one hand it makes me a bit relieved. After four years of undiagnosed illness, a possible resolution to that struggle seems quite desirable. Diabetes, although a disheartening thought, is still a manageable disease that when treated should allow me a relatively normal life. However, it also scares me to death! You are not supposed to be sick like this in your twenties. It seems so foreign and makes me feel so old to be staring diabetes in the face. This is my struggle and my conflict of the last few weeks. It has been worrying me to the point where I can't sleep at night and can't accomplish much in the daytime. This post is my written decision to put my stress to rest.

I came to a conclusion today that could potentially give me a project that would make my struggle into something positive in my life. I have decided to put together a collection of recipes that are healthy and delicious. Food that is low/non fat and low sugar so that people with special health concerns can still eat food that tastes good. Who knows at this point how far this project will go but at this point I am just experimenting.

Tonight I made three dozen cranberry orange muffins. Each batch was slightly different. I used whole wheat flour instead of white, added yogurt and cut out fat, added extra fiber and less sugar. Interestingly, the ones without the fat were the best tasting ones! My husband was sure not complaining about having lots of muffins around! =)

Life is full of twists and turns and the more I live, the more I learn that you need to be able to adapt your perspective and life goals based on the constantly changing nature of life. It reminds me of the leaves in the fall. One day it is summer and the leaves are green and fresh and the next day its fall and the leaves are turning golden and they are different than the summer leaves. This change seems like a death but really it is an essential change that prepares for a new season. I pray that I can view life and the change which accompanies it with this perspective.

BookReview: "Popes and Bankers: A Cultural History of Credit and Debt, From Aristotle to AIG" By Jack Cashill

I was a bit skeptical when I began this book. I am not very knowledgeable in financial history but found this book to be a big surprise. The author, Jack Cashill, managed to keep me interested in the topic and it turned out to be quite entertaining.It is a fascinating study on the topic even for the novice financial scholar.

One of the best things about this book was the way it tied many different historical periods and people. Cashill draws from many different areas of history to present as complete as possible a picture of credit and debt from present time to as far back as Dante and similar historical figures. I was previously unaware of the connections that many historical events or people had to the topic of credit and debt. Along with the historical details, the book is filled with shrewd observations on current events.

When I began reading this book, I was expecting to trudge through and end with a minimal understanding of the topic. However, I found myself excited to read more and acquired a much better understanding. I would recommend this book to anyone who is interested in learning more about credit and debt.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com <http://BookSneeze.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Sunny days of fall

I've been thinking a lot lately about how much emphasis we, as Christians, put on numbers...i.e. numbers of people. We have recently gotten a new pastor at our church and it almost seems sometimes that his primary focus is increasing the numbers in our church. It is a rather small church but I have always been of the opinion that number of people does not constitute a good or bad church. It is sad to me that so many people focus on bringing more people into their churches without really trying to meet the needs of the people who are in the church already. I think we need a yearning for spiritual maturity in our churches. Not to say that I am against growing in numbers or even that I don't think it can be good, but rather that I am afraid of a trend that focuses on bringing in larger numbers of people without meeting the spiritual needs of those same people. We are in danger as a Christian community when our success is measured by a number. I pray that we will learn to grow in maturity even as we seek to grow in number.

Better days

So I guess my last post was a bit sad and since I'm feeling better today I thought I would write a new one.

The house is clean, supper is planned and the meat is thawing, Nehemiah is napping, and I'm home alone so I think this is a good time to write a bit. Btw, I don't have a child. I am just borrowing one for a couple days. Or rather babysitting one. He is 2 years old and a great little guy. I made some play dough this afternoon for a fun activity when he wakes up. I enjoy having kids around. We have not been blessed with our own yet so I take advantage of opportunities to enjoy other peoples kids.

Yesterday I was less than encouraged in my job search at first but after I took a couple resumes in and actually got a bit of response I was much more encouraged. It doesn't mean that anything will happen but at least I didn't get refused right off the bat and they seemed to be helpful people. Now to see if it actually results in me getting a job! I am really enjoying being unemployed except for the job hunt part. I love being at home and being able to work on things at home. I've also had some great opportunities to spend time with friends and also be available for babysitting, etc. Plus my projects have gotten some time and my house have never been so organized! It makes me feel productive! I have also enjoyed being around when Nathan is home from school. He has Tuesdays off this semester and its been a great time for us to get stuff done together or just hang out. I will miss being at home when I start work but will enjoy being able to pay the bills! =)

At the moment I am stilling waiting for tests and doctors appointments to figure out whats up. Its been hard to have everything take so long. It would be nice to just be able to go to the doctor and get all the tests done without having to wait 6 months just to get the preliminary stuff done. Who knows what will happen if these tests don't resolve anything! I may be stuck waiting another 6 months! Yikes...this system is crazy!

Anyway, I am off to knead and color my play dough so I better run!

Life...

So...its been awhile. I can't say much has changed since my last post. I seem to be stuck in this rut that doesn't get any better, day after day after day! I still don't know whats up as far as medically, I still don't have a job, and I have no clue what I'm supposed to do next. It seems I've been down every road looking for a job and yet nothing even starts to happen. I'm not sure what lesson God is trying to teach me in all this but its starting to get me down. I am doubting everything about myself at this point. And while I know that God will provide for us, it seems as if He is trying to take us down to the last penny before anything turns up.

Its 2:33 am. I can't sleep and this feels like a depressing post but I am simply trying to understand. Perhaps if I write this all down it may put my life into perspective for me... Am I doing something wrong? Am I not trusting? Am I being too selective or lazy? Am I looking in the wrong places? Everywhere I look I see disappointment. What is my purpose and how do I fulfill it? How do I keep a positive attitude when everything in my life seems to be failing?

Lord, give me the strength to hold on because my grip is failing fast. I've tried everything that I can and now I need You to come through for me. Show me Your direction. Show me Your peace. Show me that all is not lost for me. I am struggling to understand and I need You to step in and take over. Take the wheel from my hands and turn it toward Your will. I'm trusting You to get us through. I leave it in Your hands.

Its funny how God works!

So the other day I was checking out Kijiji and found an ad for an exercise bike for sale. It seemed interesting and so I emailed the guy. We are wanting to go on a weekend bike trip in May so I thought it would be a good idea to get an exercise bike to train during the snowy/icy months. So he replied and sent me his phone number. I didn't do anything about it for a few days and then last night Nathan and I were talking about it and wondered if it would still be there so I said well you may as well call. It probably won't be available still because its been a few days and it was pretty cheap but may as well try. So he called. And within an hour we had a new exercise bike. But the really funny part about this strangely uninteresting story was that the guy needs some drywall taping done and has a bunch of rental properties that will need work and knows a whole bunch of people who need work done potentially. So we spent $50 on an used exercise bike that we didn't really even want until a week and a half ago and made a really significant contact for work. Maybe I'm the only one who sees this but it just seems crazy that we just randomly find this ad and the bike is still there when we call later and the guy might be able to get us a bunch of work! God is good! He works things out for us in ways I can not fathom! I mean we don't have any work from him yet but its a contact anyway. Unfortunately I still have not found my wallet which is slightly stressful. I keep praying that God will bring it back to me but so far no sign of it. Its not the end of the world but I would feel better if I knew where it was! Anyway, just wanted to encourage you all that God is watching out for us and He will bring things to fruition in our lives at just the right time for our maximum benefit. Keep your chin up! =)

The Great Escape!

Guess what movie I watched recently?! =) Seriously though, I was thinking about the title and realized that it would be a good title for the Christian life as well. We have been part of the greatest escape of all time! Through Christ we have been saved from a more horrible prison than any that man could create. Thank God for our Great Escape! We have been blessed more abundantly than we deserve and we owe God our very breath and life. Praise God!

As if my life could get any crazier!

So I am once again completely up in the air with regards to what is going on in my life. Just when I thought things were starting to calm down, something else goes haywire! I had been having health problems for awhile and thought that everything was finally starting to get back to normal. I went to the doctor (a new doctor) for some routine blood tests and found out that I may have, not one, but two serious illnesses! I sat in the chair at the doctors and thought "how can my life change so much with just a few little words!" My outlook on life at this moment is very different than the one I had even this morning at 11:59. Life is such a fragile balance and it doesn't take much for the balance to be tinkered with and you are left reeling. I don't understand why this would happen to me when I thought I was pretty healthy. Sure I had a few small things that could have been better but I was working on them and thought they were getting better. Sometimes I don't understand the way God works. I don't know whether I have these illnesses or what if going on but it terrifies me just the same. I am confused and afraid of what may be coming in the next few weeks, but I know that God hasn't abandoned me. He is still the ruler of all and the all powerful God. I know that He will do what is best for me in my life. Help me God, to remember that promise whatever comes my way. Thank you for my amazing husband who is an incredible source of strength for me.

Important Things

Today I have been thinking about what is really important in my life. I have been married for two years, two months, and 22 days. This time has been one of the most precious periods of my life. God has blessed me with an amazing husband who loves and cares for me more than I deserve! He has become so much a part of my life that I could not imagine going on without him. He is one of the most important things in my life. There are so many sad things happening in the world today and one of the saddest is what is happening to families. So often now we hear stories of broken families and ruined marriages. This is not what is supposed to happen. Why is marriage treated with such flippancy? I understand that marriage is hard. We have had our share of struggles but to give up seems so sad. What is our world coming to when we trade spouses like we change our hairstyles? Whatever happened to "Till death do us part"? It is so sad to me to consider the pain and sorrow that is haunting so many families because of adultery, infidelity, and divorce. Marriage can be such a blessing if you keep it in good repair. We can't let problems get to the point where we can do such harm to our marriages and our spouses.

Life is hard and requires a lot of effort but if something is truly important to you, it is worth putting in the required effort. My marriage is important to me. It is more important than anything else apart from God and I am committed to its success. My wedding vows are promises that I have made and intend to keep no matter what trials come our way. My prayer today is that people who take similar vows would take them seriously and not cast aside the love and commitment of a spouse on a whim. Lord help us all to be true to our commitments!